Oh, so many years ago…decades ago really, I made that first move towards healing. I wanted… I needed… to feel better. Not only in my body, but in my heart.
As I progressed thru various modalities of therapies and workshops, the F-word was something that kept coming up.
I just couldn’t escape it. I didn’t WANT to look at it, I didn’t WANT to take it on. I wished that I could be healthy and happy without it, but the truth is that without working on the F-word, I would never be set free.
I am sure that you have already figured out that I am speaking of Forgiveness.
Yup. THAT F-word. It is a doozy. I had a few people in my very young life that I held a hot, bitter anger for. A few who really did not deserve to be forgiven. So, many are standing up with the ‘me too’ movement and that is great. A lot of awareness and healing can come from it. But our own inner work must be done as well.
When presented with the task of forgiving so that I COULD BE SET FREE…I just could not fathom being able to just say “ oh well, I forgive you…it’s all good” because it SOOOOO is not all good.
I had to literally ask for help, every single day in my quiet meditations. I had to admit, out loud, that I did not have it in me to forgive this…and that I needed help to come to a place of forgiveness.
Then, one day, as I sat in stillness, the image of an infant came to mind. And I felt that this was the person that I needed to forgive, only, as an innocent. That this person began their life the same way that I did. As a completely innocent baby.
Something, somewhere, went so terribly wrong that this person grew to do some horrible things. And a sadness came over me. Not for myself, but actually for the other person. A sense of loss. A loss of innocence.
And then, a small shift in my heart. A little softening took place. I learned that it helped me forgive if I could remember that the person who hurt me also has been hurt. They did not arrive here as some evil baby. They have their own story too. If I could try to see them as a baby…the place they began….my heart would soften and I could begin to heal.
I know this is a heavy, difficult topic. But it is imperative for your well being that you know how to fully forgive. That does not mean that you have to invite people who have hurt you back into your life, but that you can finally, freely, let them go and get on with your life. The F-word is not something that you can slip out of or fake. In order to heal, it has to happen.
It is an inner work that may take some time but I promise if you do your work the softening will eventually ease your pain. We all have some work to do in this forgiveness area…but it helps to know that we are not alone.